TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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