I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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