Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
