May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
