I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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