before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
