Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
