Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
this hospital has no fireball
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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