god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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