I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
