Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
