I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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