Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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