Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
