At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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