Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
