I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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