she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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