My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
