My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
