so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dicks are not precious.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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