Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
