i think i have two assholes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
