I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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