i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
