1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
