a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
