dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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