I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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