This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
