We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
