Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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