I wish I could punch you in the face.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
