I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
