Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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