mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
