I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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