yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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