Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
