Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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