one might say we're banned from that church
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
