you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
