i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
