dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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