areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
