we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
