Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
