best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
