I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
