im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
