I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
