well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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