I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
