Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
