Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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