her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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