I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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