It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
