I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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