i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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