I hate your face
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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