What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
