I didn't shave. On purpose
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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