just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
