Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
