She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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