the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
