You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
