For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
