Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
