I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
