we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
