well I can't set my house on fire every night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize