I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
