she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
