God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
