If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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