ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
