I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
