see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
